One of the most important features of human intelligence - that which sets us apart from other animals - is our highly developed ability to imagine hypothetical future situations.


An exceptionally bad habit, and one to which I unwittingly subscribed for most of my life, is to dwell on unwanted hypothetical situations. By doing this, we apply the full force of our imagination to the pursuit of unhappiness. Even when things go well we get trapped in ideas that will ultimately undo us - the negative outcomes seem more compelling so we dwell and in doing so make those things happen.

"I never thought I'd fall in love again yet suddenly I have found woman of my dreams and she loves me like I love her and understands me better than I understand myself. She wants to make me happy. But it will probably rain."

By silently chanting "don't fuck this up, don't fuck this up, don't fuck this up" you program yourself to fuck it up. You can't define a situation in terms of what it is not. What is the opposite of 'fucking it up'? There isn't one! Only an infinity of possibilities. So explore those possibilities instead of programming yourself to do the one thing you know you definitely don't want.

If you stumble upon some convoluted way in which everything could go wrong, don't just stop there. Instead, think some more until you find a convoluted but equally realistic positive fantasy. And then focus on that. You're equally likely to make a happy fantasy come true. And it will be a more pleasant journey all round.